I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
