It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
