the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
