last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
