Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize