Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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