She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
