so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
