well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
