forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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