I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
