R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
