So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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