I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
