if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
