some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize