I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
