Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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