haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
