my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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