ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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