I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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