Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
