I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
