I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
