i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
