Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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