It was confusing and full of hummus
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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