Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
