I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
