I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
