gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
