I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize
