Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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