Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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