went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
