We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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