It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
