Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
