Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
