I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
