Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize