our cab driver is having phone sex.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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