i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
