It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
