I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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