I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
is wine microwaveable?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
