Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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