Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
