I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
