Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
