While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
