i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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