Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
