accomplished twins. life is a go
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
