So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
