i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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