Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
