She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
