if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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