I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
