I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
