dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
