i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
