He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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