3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
