Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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