Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
