oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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