Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
