Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
