If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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