I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
