Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
